#some anxiety is so easy to brush off but the ones stemming from my ocd are extremely difficult to get out from under

[famewolf]

speaking of ocd, I think I'm realizing that I truly don't have anxiety and it's literally just my ocd. im not anxious about anything until it involves me and suddenly I'm spiraling

[catboyfeli]

the anti self-dx culture is honestly so... bad? i used to be anti self-dx a few years ago before realizing that no, self-dx isn't inherently harmful. there's a huge difference in someone going "i researched this disorder and it fits my symptoms, and i think i have it and hope to speak to a psychiatrist in the future" and "hm i have a few symptoms of this disorder, so i will now say i have it and use it to excuse my bad behavior, and will also ignore the possibility of this being a completely different disorder!" people don't seem to realize how fucking expensive, difficult, and time-consuming it is to get a psychiatrist or therapist, much less a regular one. and from my experience, so many proud anti self-dxers will say to me in a condescending tone, "do you even have a diagnosis?" when i talk abt a disorder of mine when it's literally None Of Their Damn Business. this kind of culture also lead to my mom, after i excitedly told her i think i have bpd, snapping at me saying i don't have ""multiple personality disorder"" and that stuff like that requires ""severe childhood trauma"" and my brother told me to ""stop trying to be special like those kids on tumblr"" imagine finally finding a disorder that fits your experiences after recently destroying your own life because of symptoms of said disorder, and immediately being invalidated and brushed off by your family because of the anti self-dx culture :) yeah, sometimes people DO self-dx as a way to excuse their shitty behavior or to feel special, but honestly? i think most of this culture stems from internalized ableism, and that's just an excuse to feel like the culture is justified. it's also very easy for people with adhd, autism, and similar disorders to find a disorder that fits them and begin to obsess over it because finallY! something that fits me!! and thus refuse to consider other possibilities. that is one of the times self-dx can ACTUALLY be harmful. but overall? self-dx as a whole isn't harmful, esp considering how fucked the health and mental health system is in the us. anti self-dx culture just seems like another way to bully and gatekeep mentally ill people you deem as "invalid," just in a way that's more socially acceptable. whatever disorders i self-dx myself with are a) ones i've done research on that i have most symptoms of or enough symptoms that prominently decrease my quality of life and b) i plan on seeing a psychiatrist about whenever i FINALLY can. like, i have schizoaffective symptoms, but i don't go around saying i have that, as i think my delusions and paranoia are more likely a different disorder or combination of disorders, possibly bipolar combined with adhd. i say i have bpd--despite not having a prof. diagnosis--because it's easier and quicker than saying "i have bpd symptoms/traits" and gets the point across. in the end, it's literally nobody's business whether i have a prof. diagnosis or not, and what matters most is how i'm affecting my own community. a toxic person with a prof. diagnosis isn't any better than a toxic person with a self-dx, and that's that. they're still both spreading harm and helping enforce stigma, and the person with the prof. diagnosis could, get this, be misdiagnosed in the end! i got diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and ocd when i was 10. it's been years since then, and i could end up having been misdiagnosed and have something completely different! since diagnosing literal children who don't even understand what's going on themselves is not easy! also, when i was 10, my doctor considered testing me for autism, and my mom declined because i'm "too normal" to be autistic. now we've realized i very well could be autistic and that her declining that test could've made life more difficult for me in the end, because imagine how much easier things might have been if i had that diagnosis as a child? people responsibily self-dxing themselves after researching a disorder is always going to be different than a person self-dxing themselves to feel special, and as long as someone keeps an open mind towards other possibiltiies and doesn't intend to use this disorder as an excuse for their behavior, there's honestly nothing wrong with it. also, when people DO self-dx for attention, it's almost always because they already HAVE some kind of disorder, likely some type of personality disorder, and that's valid. is it okay? no, but the culture of people acting like attention seeking is inherently bad is also pretty shitty, since needing attention is a) a normal human desire as we're socialable creatures, and b) a symptom of childhood trauma and various mental disorders!! sometimes people seek attention when they're too afraid to ask for it on their own! and maybe people wouldn't be afraid to ASK for attention if the culture surrounding them wasn't so hateful about it! due to my bpd symptoms, i used to do this all the time without even realizing!! partially bc of the culture demonizing anyone who wants attention!!  anyway rant over i talk too much i'm just very passionate about things that don't really matter in the end adhdjfhf